Departure, Not Departed...

I hope you don't mind that I post on my mother's blog? This will not be an ongoing thing. This is rather an unexpected opportunity to share with you about the wonderful people that are this ministry.

As most of you already know God called my mother and father to pack up their lives and move to Oklahoma. What a shock this was. I mean how in the world could God take my parents away from me right after He took my grandmother home to be with Him. It felt as though my family and life were falling apart. My grandmother was the glue that kept the extended family together and it was my parents that gave me godly security. They were always there to help in a time of crisis or to simply share a laugh. They had become my spiritual and emotional security blankets.

It took a while for me to accept the fact they were moving let alone warm up to it, but God touched my heart and assured me that this was indeed ordained by Him. People often asked how could your parents leave you and your kids? Well that was not easy to answer at first. I can say without hesitation now that they couldn't leave us on their own accord. It is a higher calling from God that has moved their physical location, but their love is still here with us. No one could ever take their love away from us.

God called them to be missionaries. Not an easy calling. I suppose the funny thing to me is that everyone thinks Africa or a third world country when you mention missionary. Not necessarily the case. Oklahoma is the mission field God has called them to. They accepted the calling as they have always put God first in their lives. I did not realize how much that example would affect me.

My wife, Jennifer, and I found out a few months prior that we were expecting our third. I had mixed emotions. I was excited of the news, but was saddened by the thought of not having my parents here for the birth. I knew it saddened them too. I did not realize how much their leaving would impact my life. It truly was the first time in my life that I had to really step up to the plate. I was needing to take on the leadership role in my home and become that spiritual leader that God had called me to be. I was having to petition God myself on my family's behalf. This is not to say that I never prayed to God on my own before. What I found out was that I had made surrogate parents out of my own parents. They had become my mediator instead of Jesus Himself. Certainly this was not intentional, but because my parents had always been there and they were tangible, it was an easy thing to do. Now they were gone...

It had been six months since I last saw my mother's face. It had seemed like yesterday we were saying our good-byes and yet it felt like an eternity since I felt my mother's warm embrace. The smell of her perfume lingered in my mind as I remembered us standing in their kitchen, arms wrapped around each other and her head buried in my chest. We had just finished packing all their belongings onto a moving truck. The door to the house that had been in the family for over 30 years had closed behind us for the very last time.

I found myself the very next day in the same situation except this time it was my father. We were saying our final good-byes as he had a few remaining things to drop off at my house before he headed east to Oklahoma. We were standing in my driveway holding each other. It never occurred to me that people might be watching two grown men embrace one another let alone crying on each other's shoulders. At that very moment I did not care. It was our time to let go, but I found myself holding on tighter than ever.

I was left with my own family and my own relationship with God to sort it all out. I was at a crossroads. Which way do I go? What do I do? I needed God now more than ever. I needed my wife more than ever. I found myself growing my relationships with both God and my wife out of the sake of necessity. In retrospect I am saddened that I did not come to this place before, but it took my parents leaving for me to figure it out. It's amazing how God works and brings us to a place where we need to be. In one of God's revelations to me it was the first time that it really sank in that my parent's departure did not leave us departed.

I am left with the many wonderful memories that we have shared together and now it is time for me to create memories of my very own. The mantle has been passed down and God has called me to be a minister, a minister in my own home.
God is continuing to bless us and worked it out that my mother could come back shortly after the birth to be with us. My heart is overjoyed! It was a wonderful time of fellowship and bonding. It was a wonderful time of rejoicing in the Lord and one another.

I sit here writing this as she leaves us today. All the emotions are stirred up again. I comprehend this time that the ache in my heart is really the deep love and connection that God has given us. It is that longing for one another. I was able to share with my mom this morning that I firmly believe God gave us our family as our first relationship of love. As a child our first tangible contact of love comes from family. It is that love they give us that teaches us the love of Christ. It is a natural tugging of our hearts that lead us to one another and ultimately to God. It is a void that needs feeling and filling.

I pray the ache of love never leaves my heart and that I yearn for my family and for my God. It is in that recognition that I have come to appreciate the calling of my parents. They have been called to become someone else's surrogate parents. And one day those individuals can stand on their own relationship with Christ as I am doing today. Thanks Mom and Dad for your love and example. Thank you for sharing God's love with me and for honoring His call.

Love, Karl j